From The Archives: Anna Nicole Smith, Estate Advisor

Kicker Her Bucket February 8, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith, former Playboy centerfold, actress and retirement complex for 90 year-old penises, died last week at the Seminole Hard Rock Cafe Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida –a place where you’d never really expect such a thing to happen.

Cause of death was not immediately known, but authorities speculate Smith may have stopped breathing after tripping headfirst into her portable mayonnaise fountain.

Paramedics say when they rolled Smith over, they found two day-laborers tragically smothered while trying to enter the country illegally beneath her breast flaps.

After repeatedly failing to restore her heartbeat, doctors declared Smith brain dead at 2:49 p.m., 1983.

The famous blonde was just 39 –hundred pounds.

In the hours before she died, friends say Smith appeared incoherent and wasted. In other words, completely normal.

Police say Smith’s hotel suite was filled with prescription drugs, all of them administered with butter.

The drugs included Xanax, Vicodin , Methadone and a combination of the three she liked to call, “Xanaxo-Dinadone.”

When he learned of the death, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband revealed he might be the father of Smith’s daughter. He also hinted DNA tests might be in order for Mister Haney and Arnold the Pig. Yeah I know it’s the wrong Gabor sister. Get off my back.

Smith requested her remains be buried next to a very rich corpse.

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2 Responses to From The Archives: Anna Nicole Smith, Estate Advisor

  1. schinders says:

    heh. mayo fountain.

  2. Ho-Ling Poon says:

    My all-time favorite! Thanks Jim!

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