Author Archives: Jim Earl

James Griffin, Co-Founder of the Band Bread

Morning Remembrance Portraits by Nathan Smith copyright 2011 [audio http://jimearl.com/Morning%20Rem.mp3%5D Baby I’m-A Dead This week the music world received word that James Griffin, founding member of the soft-rock group Bread, is toast. In a statement released today to hopeful fans,…

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Dr. Wayne Dyer, Former Catholic School Driver’s-Ed Instructor

Dr. Wayne Dyer, internationally renowned motivational guru and one of the bestselling authors of all time, died Saturday after 75 tedious years of enduring his own bullshit. The cause of death was not immediately disclosed, although it probably had something … Continue reading

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Rudy R. Perz, Creator of The Pillsbury Doughboy

Advertising whiz Rudy R. Perz, creator of the iconic Pillsbury Doughboy, pinched his final loaf this week after failing frantically to pop a fresh breadstick. Upon hearing the news, Liz Nordlie, President of Pillsbury, released a statement saying, “We paid … Continue reading

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Darrell Winfield, Marlboro Man and Full-Flavored Smoke

Darrell Winfield, one of the most recognizable Marlboro Men, primarily because he was the only one who lived long enough to get recognized, is dead after a prolonged illness that probably started 50 years ago. Although he lived to the … Continue reading

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Melvin Gordon, CEO Of Tootsie Roll

Melvin Gordon, chief executive of Tootsie Roll Industries, is dead after more than half a century spent desperately trying to pass a sticky, brown log that refused to melt even during the hot summer months. Shocked family members say they … Continue reading

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Future Obit – Camille Cosby: Lead Accountant at Cosby Enterprises Inc.

Camille Cosby, one of the few select females ever allowed to naturally fall asleep around her husband, is dead after collapsing face-down in a bowl of pudding and drowning in a sea of JELL-O™ lies. When reached for comment, her … Continue reading

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Future Obit – Dick Cheney: Avid Hunter, Fitness Freak, Monster

Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney, the only human capable of using another person’s heart without caring who it previously belonged to, has finally died after years of being dead. The former Philip Morris spokesmodel, who only recently called the Senate report … Continue reading

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