From The Archives: Robert Kearns, Inventor of Intermittent Wipers

Morning Remembrance Portraits by Nathan Smith copyright 2011

Robert W. Kearns, beloved inventor of the intermittent rotating rubber-scraper mechanism responsible for squeegiing rain of the windshields of millions of automobiles, was found dead at his home completely wiped out.

By the time paramedics arrived, Kearns’ aged, cracked, and grit-filled body had already left unsightly streaks all over the house.

During the last few days of Kearns’ debilitating illness, witnesses say the inventor could barely pivot his arms back and forth long enough to wipe himself.

Though he is survived by six children, there is some evidence in earlier years that Kearns liked to swing his blade both ways.

There’s a lot more to this man’s life, but those are about all the cheap jokes I can come up with using the words “blade” “swing” and “wipe.”

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