After a prolonged illness, Harry Wesley Coover Jr., the inventor of Super Glue, is now Super Dead.

Doctors fought bravely throughout his illness to reduce cranial swelling but no matter how hard they tried, they could never get his cap off.

Before long, they knew he only had a matter of days –mainly because of the pasty look on his face.

Coover’s wife was the first to discover the body. So naturally she became totally unglued.

A spokesman denied rumors he was discovered alone in his bedroom with his “Coover permanently stuck to a large stack of stroke mags.”

In a public tribute to his long career, the inventor was once described as “one of the true legends of the adhesive industry.” Of course this was immediately followed by derisive laughter.

Legend has it Coover invented Super Glue in 1951 after carelessly dropping a used pair of Walter Brennan’s underwear into a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.

The original mixture consisted of monomers of Methyl-2-cyanoacrylate molecules with a molecular weight equal to or greater than 111.1. Whew, is it just me or are you gettin’ horny?

Over the years Coover’s Super Glue has repaired millions of everyday items, but sadly it could never mend a broken heart.

At his eulogy, Coover’s children recounted many fond memories of growing up in a happy home where the walls were always covered with patches of human skin.

Friends found the memorial very enjoyable.  And when it came time to bury him, everybody just had to stick around.

Coover requested his remains be placed in a brown paper bag so bored teens can use it for “kicks.”