From The Archives: Susan Atkins, Born Again Christian

Morning Remembrance Portraits by Nathan Smith copyright 2011

Susan Atkins, whose fame stems mainly from the fact that she’s not nearly as cute as Squeaky Fromme, is dead

Atkins lived a quiet, middle-class existence during her early years, singing in her church choir and helping out with numerous charity stabbings.

After running away from home, the teenage Atkins was fortunate enough to meet up with our lord and savior, Jesus Christ, who asked her to live with him at Spahn’s Ranch.

It was there that Jesus taught her the finer points of robbery, murder, and pitching songs to music executives.

Atkins bragged that at the crime scene she tasted the blood of Sharon Tate. But what she didn’t know was that Tex Watson secretly replaced the blood of Tate with that of coffee heiress Abigail Folger. And believe you me, she could tell the difference.

Relatives and loved-ones can console themselves with the thought that Susan is now up in heaven giving gonorrhea to Dennis Wilson.

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