Monthly Archives: October 2011

From The Archives: Joseph L. Owades Inventor of Light Beer

Joseph L. Owades, the biochemist whose recipe for light beer achieved the impossible feat of making crappy beer even crappier, is now more stale than a Herman Cain pick-up line. Fresh out of college, Owades got his first job researching … Continue reading

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William Irwin Wolff, M.D., Father of Modern Colonoscopy

William Irwin Wolff, M.D., originator of the modern colonoscopy procedure now practiced in well-ventilated clinics around the world, has finally seen the murky light at the end of the long, disgusting tunnel. After graduating from New York University in 1936, … Continue reading

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Elwood Perry, Fishing Lure Inventor

Elwood Perry, who in 1946 invented the Spoonplug fishing lure loved by millions of fishing enthusiasts, is now chum. The 90 year-old Perry reportedly died while testing his latest invention, the “toaster-oven lure.” On July 24, 1954 before dozens of … Continue reading

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Steve Jobs, “Dear Leader”

Steve Jobs, the computer pioneer who co-founded Apple and inspired people all over the world to think outside the box, is now stuck inside one. Sources say just moments before his death, the ailing Jobs turned beige and dragged himself into … Continue reading

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Arch West, Creator of Doritos

Arch West, who 50 years ago took a warehouse full of cornmeal, MSG, and pork excretions, and turned it into the world’s first edible Superfund site, is now covered with an orange, crusty-coating of crispy death. Doctors say dying was … Continue reading

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