Jong-il reportedly died of a heart attack on a train while traveling between two popular famine areas.
A recent psychological evaluation by researchers at the University of Colorado concluded that Kim Jong-il shared the same personality disorders as Hitler, Stalin, and most talk show hosts.
During his reign, Kim Jong-il ruled over his citizens with a doughy fist, and was often referred to as the “Supreme Leader,” “our Father,” “Generalissimo,” and his favorite, “Fard Farkle.”
As he was groomed for office in the early 1990s, radio broadcasts started referring to him as “Dear Father,” instead of “Dear Leader,” suggesting he was either getting a promotion, or the country just wanted to borrow money for a date.
After taking power in 1994, he continued his father’s brutal policies and devoted much of his country’s scarce resources to building the world’s fifth-largest bouffant.
He leaves behind his three sons, Hwhy Did-hee Tek So-long Tu-di?, Du Tell, and Wut Da-hey!