Don Levine, the Hasbro toy executive credited with doing more to distort America’s concept of war than Bob Crane’s errant penis, is now being outflanked by an army of ants.
Levine’s body was found “four klicks out” in his older sister’s bedroom, his nails painted pink and his torso draped mockingly in a garish, pistachio green gown.
Born in 1928, the 86 year-old recently attributed his longevity to the fact that he never once set foot in a VA Hospital.
Levine first got the idea for the miniature figure while serving in the Korean War after he caught several Chinese soldiers hiding in his helmet.
G.I. Joe hit the shelves in time for the 1964 Christmas shopping season and soon millions of Americans were spending $4 apiece on the fake soldiers. No wait, that’s what they were spending on the real soldiers.
The doll boasted 21 moving parts, including a pair of flexible shoulders John McCain would one day come to envy.
But the Vietnam War raged on and interest in the dolls waned. And sadly, parents soon discovered that when they brought their G.I. Joes home, there were no parades.
As the public shied away from military-related toys, Hasbro countered with the popular “Upper GI Joe,” whose main talent was being able to avoid combat due to digestive problems.
Levine requested his body be laid to rest on a mattress of Kleenex tissues crammed inside an old shoebox.
BUY THE FREAKIN’ BOOK: https://www.createspace.com/3721076