Lavoy Finicum – Oregon Militia Spokesman, Mormon Recruiter, Incompetent Cowboy

LaVoyLaVoy Finicum, who once said he had no intention of spending any of his “days in a concrete box,” is now spending eternity in a pine one.

Police detained Finicum outside the Malheur Wildlife Refuge in what started off as a routine traffic stop for disposing of dildos without a permit.

Witnesses say Finicum then angrily rushed cops with his gun after they promised to reunite him with his wife and eleven foster children.

Cops reportedly shot Finicum with two 45 caliber bullets from their service revolvers, yet another government service he’ll never pay for.

When he heard the news, fellow protestor Ryan Bundy issued the statement, “My thoughts and prayers go out to every halfwit in America.”

Finicum became the group’s de facto spiritual leader when he first arrived at the protest and vowed to “leave a trench full of human feces in every wildlife refuge in America.”

Though the occupation is over, officials warn the refuge still has to remain closed for several months out of concern many of the buildings may be “poopy trapped.”

The deceased requested his remains be buried in blue tarp and surrounded by a choice selection of Ryan Bundy’s sinkers and floaters.


All Contents of This Site Copyright © 2010-Eternity by Jim Earl

(Please note: the freakin' book contains HUNDREDS of obits,
but obviously not some of the most recent ones published 
in this blog.)

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