Author Archives: Jim Earl

He Never Met a War He Didn’t Like

John McCain, the man who came close to giving Sarah Palin the presidency with one defective beat of his freeze-dried heart, just left a big, steaming bag of dog crap on America’s doorstep in the form of Donald Trump and … Continue reading

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Barbara Bush: A Nation Mourns And Eats Its Lunch

My fellow Americans: Major combat operations in Barbara Bush have ended. In the Battle of Life, time and a beef-heavy diet have prevailed. And now our coalition of Earth’s natural elements is engaged in securing and deconstructing her cell structure. … Continue reading

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Robert Hulseman, Inventor of the Red Solo Cup

Robert Hulseman, Inventor of the now ubiquitous red beverage holder, is dead after drinking a 16-once cup of trucker urine he thought was last night’s beer. He is survived by daughters Patricia and Margaret, who both happen to be D-cups. … Continue reading

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Big Mac Inventor Michael Delligatti

BUY THE AMAZING BOOK: https://www.createspace.com/3721076 (Please note: the freakin’ book contains HUNDREDS of obits, but obviously not some of the most recent ones published in this blog.)

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Robert Ettinger, “the father of cryonics”

Robert Ettinger, the cryonics pioneer who advocated freezing the dead with the hope that medical technology would someday enable them to pay taxes again, is dead at the age of 92 after attempting to defrost an erection he had back … Continue reading

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Nancy Reagan, 40th President of the United States

Nancy Reagan, the controlling, pill-popping child-beating matriarch of a sick, fucked-up family who regularly stole Valium and diuretics from each other; and proud wife to a president who once declared ketchup a vegetable before ultimately becoming one, is now dead … Continue reading

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Jan Crouch, Professional Money Raiser

Jan Crouch, who 43 years ago co-founded the world’s largest Christian television network with nothing more than a pocket full of hope, hair resembling the helmet Rick Moranis wore is Spaceballs, and $30,000 in fraudulently secured donations, is now crouching … Continue reading

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