Author Archives: Jim Earl

Jan Crouch, Professional Money Raiser

Jan Crouch, who 43 years ago co-founded the world’s largest Christian television network with nothing more than a pocket full of hope, hair resembling the helmet Rick Moranis wore is Spaceballs, and $30,000 in fraudulently secured donations, is now crouching … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Phyllis Schlafly, Proud Goldwater Girl

Phyllis Schlafly, the conservative icon who proved by example that women can be huge assholes too, is now dead after doing all the damage she could possibly do in 92 years. A champion of traditional, stay-at-home roles for women, Schlafly … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Future Obituary – Ted Cruz, Canadian Sausage, Pitchman For Snot

Ted Cruz, the passionate and effective fighter for ineffective government, medieval economic theory and the Constitution as defined by Nazis, is dead after forty-five years of poorly imitating human life. His daughter reportedly found the Republican presidential candidate in their … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Future Obituary: Roger Ailes, Sexual Consultant

Roger Ailes, the half-sentient fat-pyramid whose fetish for garter belts, locked office doors, and exposing “red, raw hamburger meat” to horrified employees lead to a rewarding $40 million golden parachute as head of FOX News, is dead of shame after … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Antonin Scalia: The Poor Man’s Robert Bork

Antonin Scalia, the jolly, bushy eye-browed Santa-sized racist misogynist homophobe fake-intellectual Supreme Court Justice who regularly pled “no contest” to free meals, is dead after 79 years of staining his robes. Cause of death was undetermined, but the legal consensus … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lavoy Finicum – Oregon Militia Spokesman, Mormon Recruiter, Incompetent Cowboy

LaVoy Finicum, who once said he had no intention of spending any of his “days in a concrete box,” is now spending eternity in a pine one. Police detained Finicum outside the Malheur Wildlife Refuge in what started off as a … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

James Griffin, Co-Founder of the Band Bread

Morning Remembrance Portraits by Nathan Smith copyright 2011 [audio http://jimearl.com/Morning%20Rem.mp3%5D Baby I’m-A Dead This week the music world received word that James Griffin, founding member of the soft-rock group Bread, is toast. In a statement released today to hopeful fans,…

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment