Category Archives: Uncategorized

Future Obituary: Roger Ailes, Sexual Consultant

Roger Ailes, the half-sentient fat-pyramid whose fetish for garter belts, locked office doors, and exposing “red, raw hamburger meat” to horrified employees lead to a rewarding $40 million golden parachute as head of FOX News, is dead of shame after … Continue reading

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Antonin Scalia: The Poor Man’s Robert Bork

Antonin Scalia, the jolly, bushy eye-browed Santa-sized racist misogynist homophobe fake-intellectual Supreme Court Justice who regularly pled “no contest” to free meals, is dead after 79 years of staining his robes. Cause of death was undetermined, but the legal consensus … Continue reading

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Lavoy Finicum – Oregon Militia Spokesman, Mormon Recruiter, Incompetent Cowboy

LaVoy Finicum, who once said he had no intention of spending any of his “days in a concrete box,” is now spending eternity in a pine one. Police detained Finicum outside the Malheur Wildlife Refuge in what started off as a … Continue reading

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James Griffin, Co-Founder of the Band Bread

Morning Remembrance Portraits by Nathan Smith copyright 2011 [audio http://jimearl.com/Morning%20Rem.mp3%5D Baby I’m-A Dead This week the music world received word that James Griffin, founding member of the soft-rock group Bread, is toast. In a statement released today to hopeful fans,…

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Dr. Wayne Dyer, Former Catholic School Driver’s-Ed Instructor

Dr. Wayne Dyer, internationally renowned motivational guru and one of the bestselling authors of all time, died Saturday after 75 tedious years of enduring his own bullshit. The cause of death was not immediately disclosed, although it probably had something … Continue reading

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Rudy R. Perz, Creator of The Pillsbury Doughboy

Advertising whiz Rudy R. Perz, creator of the iconic Pillsbury Doughboy, pinched his final loaf this week after failing frantically to pop a fresh breadstick. Upon hearing the news, Liz Nordlie, President of Pillsbury, released a statement saying, “We paid … Continue reading

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Darrell Winfield, Marlboro Man and Full-Flavored Smoke

Darrell Winfield, one of the most recognizable Marlboro Men, primarily because he was the only one who lived long enough to get recognized, is dead after a prolonged illness that probably started 50 years ago. Although he lived to the … Continue reading

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