Category Archives: Uncategorized

Barbara Bush: A Nation Mourns And Eats Its Lunch

Posted on April 21, 2018 by

My fellow Americans: Major combat operations in Barbara Bush have ended. In the Battle of Life, time and a beef-heavy diet have prevailed. And now our coalition of Earth’s natural elements is engaged in securing and deconstructing her cell structure. … Continue reading →

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Robert Hulseman, Inventor of the Red Solo Cup

Posted on April 3, 2017 by

Robert Hulseman, Inventor of the now ubiquitous red beverage holder, is dead after drinking a 16-once cup of trucker urine he thought was last night’s beer. He is survived by daughters Patricia and Margaret, who both happen to be D-cups. … Continue reading →

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Big Mac Inventor Michael Delligatti

Posted on December 16, 2016 by

BUY THE AMAZING BOOK: https://www.createspace.com/3721076 (Please note: the freakin’ book contains HUNDREDS of obits, but obviously not some of the most recent ones published in this blog.)

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Robert Ettinger, “the father of cryonics”

Posted on December 5, 2016 by

Robert Ettinger, the cryonics pioneer who advocated freezing the dead with the hope that medical technology would someday enable them to pay taxes again, is dead at the age of 92 after attempting to defrost an erection he had back … Continue reading →

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Nancy Reagan, 40th President of the United States

Posted on December 3, 2016 by

Nancy Reagan, the controlling, pill-popping child-beating matriarch of a sick, fucked-up family who regularly stole Valium and diuretics from each other; and proud wife to a president who once declared ketchup a vegetable before ultimately becoming one, is now dead … Continue reading →

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Jan Crouch, Professional Money Raiser

Posted on September 19, 2016 by

Jan Crouch, who 43 years ago co-founded the world’s largest Christian television network with nothing more than a pocket full of hope, hair resembling the helmet Rick Moranis wore is Spaceballs, and $30,000 in fraudulently secured donations, is now crouching … Continue reading →

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Phyllis Schlafly, Proud Goldwater Girl

Posted on September 10, 2016 by

Phyllis Schlafly, the conservative icon who proved by example that women can be huge assholes too, is now dead after doing all the damage she could possibly do in 92 years. A champion of traditional, stay-at-home roles for women, Schlafly … Continue reading →

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