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Blogroll
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Nancy Reagan, 40th President of the United States
Nancy Reagan, the controlling, pill-popping child-beating matriarch of a sick, fucked-up family who regularly stole Valium and diuretics from each other; and proud wife to a president who once declared ketchup a vegetable before ultimately becoming one, is now dead … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged addiction, AIDS, First Lady, Nancy Reagan, Rock Hudson, Ronald Reagan, Tom Brokaw, valium
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Jan Crouch, Professional Money Raiser
Jan Crouch, who 43 years ago co-founded the world’s largest Christian television network with nothing more than a pocket full of hope, hair resembling the helmet Rick Moranis wore is Spaceballs, and $30,000 in fraudulently secured donations, is now crouching … Continue reading
Future Obituary – Ted Cruz, Canadian Sausage, Pitchman For Snot
Ted Cruz, the passionate and effective fighter for ineffective government, medieval economic theory and the Constitution as defined by Nazis, is dead after forty-five years of poorly imitating human life. His daughter reportedly found the Republican presidential candidate in their … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Cuba, Harvard, Planned Parenthood, snot, Ted Cruz, Texas
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Future Obituary: Roger Ailes, Sexual Consultant
Roger Ailes, the half-sentient fat-pyramid whose fetish for garter belts, locked office doors, and exposing “red, raw hamburger meat” to horrified employees lead to a rewarding $40 million golden parachute as head of FOX News, is dead of shame after … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged blow jobs, FOX News, Gretchen Carlson, Megyn Kelly, Roger Ailes, sexual harassment, Steve Doocy
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Antonin Scalia: The Poor Man’s Robert Bork
Antonin Scalia, the jolly, bushy eye-browed Santa-sized racist misogynist homophobe fake-intellectual Supreme Court Justice who regularly pled “no contest” to free meals, is dead after 79 years of staining his robes. Cause of death was undetermined, but the legal consensus … Continue reading
Lavoy Finicum – Oregon Militia Spokesman, Mormon Recruiter, Incompetent Cowboy
LaVoy Finicum, who once said he had no intention of spending any of his “days in a concrete box,” is now spending eternity in a pine one. Police detained Finicum outside the Malheur Wildlife Refuge in what started off as a … Continue reading
