Darrell Winfield, Marlboro Man and Full-Flavored Smoke

Marlboro-5-124781Darrell Winfield, one of the most recognizable Marlboro Men, primarily because he was the only one who lived long enough to get recognized, is dead after a prolonged illness that probably started 50 years ago.

Although he lived to the relatively old age of 85, doctors still caution that had he not smoked, he could have made it to 300.

Asked what life might have been like if he hadn’t become the Marlboro Man, Winfield answered plainly: Life would have basically been the same. But without all that money and pussy. And all those cars and the four houses. And all that pussy.

Friends described him as a “man’s man,” who just liked working on his ranch every day, lighting cigarettes and crouching a lot. And then of course there was all that pussy.

Winfield was so authentic, he often provided the cattle and horses that appeared in the commercials. They all have lung cancer now.

Winfield requested his remains be lit on fire with a burning twig and marketed to children.

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Huell Howser: He Went Avocado Picking With A Dog!

Mourning Remembrance Portraits by Nathan Smith copyright 2012

Mourning Remembrance Portraits by Nathan Smith copyright 2012

Huell Howser, the iconically jovial star of public television’s, “California’s Gold,” is now ironically under six feet of “California’s Dirt.”

When he first learned he had cancer, the folksy travel guide reportedly shoved a microphone in his doctor’s face and asked how much the MRI machine weighed.

Witnesses who found his body were heard to exclaim, “Oh my gosh!” and “Holy cow!”

Doctors refused to reveal any more details about his death other than to say “he probably won’t be getting amazed by anything anymore.”

Friends say Howser probably could have survived longer had he not taken so much time out from chemotherapy to do a month-long series on lint.

Family members are consoling themselves with the thought that Howser and his microphone are now up in heaven, interviewing – aw who am I foolin’? He’s lost forever in the dark void of nothingness we’re all doomed to inhabit once our bodies succumb to the inevitable ravages of mortality. He went avocado picking with a DOG!

Howser requested a portion of his ashes be dumped into the great system of California aqueducts so his remains can trace the route the water follows through the huge pipes, tunnels, canals and pumping plants, and along the way meet the men and women who are carrying on the proud tradition of bringing water to Southern California. He went avocado picking with a DOG!