Mike Yurosek, the inventor of those peeled “baby” carrots used around the world by heroin addicts trying to kick the habit, died last week after chomping down on his own niblet.
It was in 1986 when Yurosek first perfected a way to take misshapen and broken carrots that would ordinarily be discarded, and basically make a huge fortune out of trash.
The invention boosted carrot sales by 35%, inspiring Yurosek to further increase profits by miniaturizing wages.
Many less-successful Yurosek innovations followed, including “Baby, Baby Peas,” “Zuchinni-Weenies,” and the puzzling “Mushroom-Shaped Mushrooms.”
Thanks to Yurosek, Americans today are eating a lot more carrots than their parents did. They’re also eating a lot more insect parts and rat droppings, so I guess things have a way of balancing themselves out.
Yurosek was an active volunteer at religious organizations and could often be seen whittling down a knobby, misshapen crucifix into bite-sized pieces.
The deceased requested his body be dismembered, shaped into 2-inch segments, and pumped through pipes into a peeling tank for final polishing.