Tag Archives: George H. W. Bush

Barbara Bush: A Nation Mourns And Eats Its Lunch

My fellow Americans: Major combat operations in Barbara Bush have ended. In the Battle of Life, time and a beef-heavy diet have prevailed. And now our coalition of Earth’s natural elements is engaged in securing and deconstructing her cell structure. … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

General H. Norman Schwarzkopf, Oil Man

H. Norman Schwarzkopf, the general who became famous for restoring pride to Americans by reminding them what it was like to crush a nation armed with shitty weapons and even shittier troops, is dead of heart failure after a chunk … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Samuel T. Cohen, Inventor of The Neutron Bomb

Samuel T. Cohen, inventor of the neutron bomb, was found dead in his home after straining for days on what he tragically dubbed “my clam sausage ordnance.” Paramedics were shocked to find his internal organs had completely disintegrated, leaving the … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments