Phyllis Schlafly, Proud Goldwater Girl

schlafly_imgPhyllis Schlafly, the conservative icon who proved by example that women can be huge assholes too, is now dead after doing all the damage she could possibly do in 92 years.

A champion of traditional, stay-at-home roles for women, Schlafly ran for public office twice, wrote 27 books, and never stayed at home. Plus, her son’s gay.

Schlafly once declared that married women “can’t get raped” because by marrying, a woman has consented to sex. And by marrying Bill Cosby, a woman has also consented to a lifetime of wondering what the hell is in her drink.

At the age of 24, the struggling librarian “consented to sex” with a man from a wealthy banking family, allowing her to take on the traditional role of a hypocrite marrying for money.

Schlafly opposed the ERA movement because she believed it would only be a matter of time until Americans started demanding co-ed bathrooms, reproductive rights and gay marriage. Oh my god, she was right!

A vocal Trump supporter, Schlafly said she didn’t think a female should be president because, quote, “Our greatest presidents have all been men.” Which pretty much is the same as saying, “Our greatest men have all been men.”

But in the end, Schlafly’s most cogent and valid argument against giving women equal rights was her very existence. And so she died.

Mrs. Schlafly is survived by six children. So I guess she really loved a “deep consenting.” Plus, her son’s gay.

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(Please note: the freakin' book contains HUNDREDS of obits,
but obviously not some of the most recent ones published 
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Future Obit – Camille Cosby: Lead Accountant at Cosby Enterprises Inc.

Bill Cosby Hosts Gala for 35th Anniversary of the Jackie Robinson FoundationCamille Cosby, one of the few select females ever allowed to naturally fall asleep around her husband, is dead after collapsing face-down in a bowl of pudding and drowning in a sea of JELL-O lies.

When reached for comment, her husband could only utter a half-hearted “Hey hey hey” followed by an equally tepid, “Greeza-maza hahahaha!”

Camille Olivia Hanks first met William Cosby in 1963 on a blind date. “Blind” because she blacked out after the first ten minutes.

The two married less than a year later. Back then it was a simpler time, she later recalled, when the only way you could drug a woman was to apply a homeopathic blister of cantharides and cataplasms to her feet, perhaps supplemented by wheat poultices upon the neck along with a hot tonic mixture of molasses, butter and vinegar, quickly followed up with a vinegar and sage tea for gargling, or more commonly, a tartar emetic.

Just like her husband’s first sitcom “The Bill Cosby Show,” their fifty-year marriage was unique among celebrity relationships as it did not use a laugh track. Although Vic Tayback did star as Calvin the mechanic.

The deceased leaves behind more than 20 assault victims “whom many in the media have given a pass” and weren’t properly “vetted.”

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