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Tag Archives: United States
David P. Reynolds, Metal Head Headed Metal Company
David Reynolds, the metal manufacturing executive who gave America aluminum foil, has finally wrapped up his life in a lead-lined coffin. The 96 year-old was found suffocated inside a used Quaker Oats box after his son forgot to poke enough … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Aluminium foil, Alzheimer's disease, Business, David Reynolds, Health, Materials, Reynolds, United States
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General H. Norman Schwarzkopf, Oil Man
H. Norman Schwarzkopf, the general who became famous for restoring pride to Americans by reminding them what it was like to crush a nation armed with shitty weapons and even shittier troops, is dead of heart failure after a chunk … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Florida, George H. W. Bush, Highway of Death, Jello, Kuwait, Norman Schwarzkopf, United States
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Eugene Polley, Inventor of The Wireless TV Remote Control
Eugene Polley, inventor of the wireless television remote control, is no longer in control of anything. Polley died in Downers Grove, Ill of natural causes, if such a thing was ever possible in Downers Grove. Small and frail, the elderly … Continue reading
From The Archives: Ruth Siems, Inventor of Stove Top Stuffing
Ruth Siems, the home economist who created Stove Top Stuffing and made it the most popular Thanksgiving leftover since vomit and domestic violence, died last week of a heart attack after “experimenting” with a vibrating turkey baster. Stove Top Stuffing … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Bread crumbs, cook, General Foods, Home, Ruth Siems, Stove Top Stuffing, Thanksgiving, United States
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From The Archives: Mike Yurosek, Inventor Of Baby Carrots
Mike Yurosek, the inventor of those peeled “baby” carrots used around the world by heroin addicts trying to kick the habit, died last week after chomping down on his own niblet. It was in 1986 when Yurosek first perfected a … Continue reading
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Tagged Carrot, Collections and Indexes, Cooking, crucifix, Fruit and Vegetable, heroin, Home, Mike Yurosek, Snack food, United States
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From The Archives: Ben Hogan, Golf Legend
Ben Hogan, considered the greatest golfer in the history of sports, is dead after suffering a massive pulmonary embolism, or the kind of stroke from which no golfer could ever recover. Hogan first discovered golf during puberty when he hit … Continue reading
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Tagged Ben Hogan, cleek, Congressional Country Club, golf, mashie niblet, pulmonary embolism, sand trap, Sports, stroke, Television, Tiger Woods, United States, Vietnam
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From The Archives: Lew Anderson Who Played Clarabell the Clown on Howdy Doody
It’s Howdy Deady time. Lew Anderson, whose mischievous antics as the loveable Clarabell made an indelible impression on future clowns like Courtney Love, is now jammin’ up in Heaven with John Wayne Gacy. Anderson’s popular character, Clarabell, became famous for … Continue reading
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Tagged Anderson, Clarabell the clown, Clown, Counties, Courtney Love, fear poop, Howdy Doody, John Wayne Gacy, Lew Anderson, Peanut Gallery, United States
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From The Archives: Horace Hagedorn, Fertilizer Giant
Horace Hagedorn, beloved founder of Miracle-Gro plant food, became his own compost last week when he died at the age of 89. A source close to the family said Hagedorn passed mysteriously in the middle of the night, surrounded by … Continue reading
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Tagged compost, Fertilizer, Horace Hagedorn, Idaho, Jesus, Psychiatric hospital, sardines, Scotts Miracle-Gro Company, Shopping, United States
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