Arch West, Creator of Doritos

Arch West, who 50 years ago took a warehouse full of cornmeal, MSG, and pork excretions, and turned it into the world’s first edible Superfund site, is now covered with an orange, crusty-coating of crispy death.

Doctors say dying was the only natural thing he did his whole life.

A company spokesperson denied West died while testing his latest creation, “Double-Fisted Kettle Cooked Carburetor-Cleaner Flavored Chips With Tangy Asbestos.”

Food historians say you can still find vintage examples of the first Doritos ever manufactured moldering inside Paul Sorvino’s intestinal gas pockets.

A humble man by nature, West often declined to take full credit for Doritos’ inception in 1961, instead giving most of it to NASA’s helpful staff of Nazi chemists.

In 2008, the company launched their “out-of-this-world” advertising campaign, beaming a 30 second ad for Doritos into a planetary system 42 light years away. Their ultimate goal? To dissuade aliens from ever using us as their food source.

The family plans on tossing some Doritos over West’s urn before burying him, but not until they do marketing research on 5,000 other graves.

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