Jonathan Bush: Failed Dancer, Worse Banker

Jonathan Bush, the only member of the Bush clan Democrats didn’t fully embrace because they couldn’t connect him to enough war crimes, is dead after spending a lifetime getting humiliated by his brother’s “David Cop-A-Feel” gag.  

His grief-stricken grandson, Billy Bush, announced the sad news after taking time off from immersing a palette full of Access Hollywood tapes into a large vat of Barbara Bush’s stomach acid.  

According to a spokesman for the Barbara Bush Foundation- not “foundation” as in “organization” or “group,” but “foundation” as in “three inches of makeup,” Bush died at his Florida estate of a congested wallet while trying to grope a sea manatee.

Following family tradition, Jonathan spent his formative years in Connecticut, graduating from Yale after flunking every class.

After serving two years in the Army believing everything he was told, Bush spent the next four and a half years as a singer and dancer, appearing in five versions of “Oklahoma!” All of them “Bad!”

Even though he never ran for political office, Bush helped raise a lot of money for the Republican Party -mostly by promising never to sing or dance again. 

True to his family name, Jonathan was no slacker when it came to helping drive the country into the toilet. And to do his part he spent most of his career as a fund manager.

The deceased requested his body be buried just out of reach of his older brother’s dead fingers. 

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